Thursday, November 5, 2009

Your a Winner!

Yesterday while shopping at my local Shoppers Drug Mart for cotton balls, as us women do,  I came upon a picture of a middle aged man with a seriously unexcited look on his face.  The picture was posted up at the cash and I couldn't take my eyes off him.  He was holding a winning "Set For Life" ticket.  $1000.00 a week for 25 years!  The dude won.  And he looked extremely unimpressed.  I mean, its not like he appeared to have millions already, so why the sour puss? What the heck?  Do you not care?
"Um, $10.97 miss..." the cashier repeated.
"Oh sorry I didn't hear you, I was distracted by the picture of that guy."
"Oh yeah, " she smiled as she took my exact change, "I sold him that ticket."
"You did!?  Were you here when he won?"
"Doesn't he like taking pictures or something?  Did he go crazy?  Was he excited?  Did he yell?"
"Nope.  I was more exited then he was.  I started freaking out and screaming, he looked just like that." she answered. I looked at the dudes picture again and he just stared back at me looking downright unimpressed. I left unable to stop thinking about him.  I mean, what's the guys problem?  He just was set for freaking LIFE!  There wasn't a crack of a grin or any "smizing" going on whatsoever!  I was ENRAGED!  Hey!  If you don't want it, give it to me Mr. Ungrateful!  Geez!
I don't usually buy lottery tickets, and trust me, now is not the time for frivolous purchases, but I decided to go back in there, and ask the same chick to sell me one.  You better believe I'd do a few back flips and a major happy dance if I won.  Heck, I'd thank God by freaking fasting for a week!

On the way home I immediately began to spend my thousands in my mind.   I would... lets see:
1.  Spend two hours paying off all my bills by phone, internet or take a bus down to the bank.
2.  Call all of my friends, and invite them out for dinner to the most expensive restaurant in the city and try my first black truffle pasta.
3.  Go to a spa with 3 of my closest friends and spend the entire day there.  Do it monthly.
4.  Get a massage therapist that looked like a male model to be my regular masseuse.  Who I would of course enjoy having very inappropriate thoughts about.
5.  Buy a brand new wardrobe and get everything altered and fitted to perfection.
6.  Buy a hot apartment by the water with 3 bedrooms an office and 1 1/2 bathrooms. I would hire my own interior designer and collaborate with him/her, nah, I want a him. I'm rich, I could get a him if I want!
7.  Make my own feature film that myself and all my actor friends could star in.  Go to Sundance with it.
8.  Hire a personal trainer and get ripped.
9.  Travel to Rome, Paris, New York, Africa, Egypt, Rome, Greece, spend a month in India.
10. Find out who Maxwell's management is, go to straight to their office and write a check then and there to have Maxwell perform a private concert for me and me alone, where I could stop him and say "sing that again please, this time do it without the jacket and loosen the tie"
11. Build my dream kitchen and have brand new cooking gadgets and Lagostina Cookware.
12. Go to England, have Nigella Lawson cook for me and become her closest mate.
13. Study Archery, Website Design, Cooking (in Italy), Acting with Larry Moss twice a week, Driving, Screen Writing, Swimming, Bellydancing, and Krumping
14. Get my Green Card, move to LA for a year, then live in New York for a year.
15. Hire that chick from Millionaire Matchmaker and have her find me a husband.

Didn't win a sausage..of course.
Oh well, better luck next time...

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