Wednesday, February 24, 2010

HAHAHA! Um...Maybe not so funny...

I went to this audition a while back and had the most interesting run-in with  a "new actor".

Now the great thing about this profession is that you can be a "new" actor and it have nothing to do with age.  I mean, you might think when I say new actor" I'm referring to a young person, but this "newbie" must have been about 70.  If I recall correctly, this audition was a call for a family.  Complete with grandparents.  If casting can't find a real family, they make one up by casing some unknowns together that look like they might be related.  Anyway, for the Caucasian category, in waltzed a grey haired dude looking quite cocky.  I was minding my own business and listening to my hand held tape recorder because I had a film audition after this one and I needed to go over my lines, so I was very focused and non-chatty.  Well guy comes over and sits right beside me (there were plenty of chairs elsewhere) and starts staring at me.  I look at him questioningly (do I know you?) and he smiles.  I give him a dismissal smile back and turn my attention back on my lines.  I feel him profiling to stare more intensely and can sense that he wants to make conversation, so I begin to wordlessly recite/lip-sync my lines so that Mr. Mature gets the message that I'm freaking studying.  Then I feel the tap on my shoulder.  I pop out one earbud and he begins giving me the 3rd degree.  "I'm new at this....only my third commercial long have you been doing this?..can you recommend any good teachers...what commercials have you done....who is your agent? ...mine is Smith Talent, do you think their good???...where are you from, Africa? England? OH SO AM I...where in England??....yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah".  After every question I politely put back in my earbud and he, not getting the message, moves closer to me and talks loudly into my ear regardless.  Finally I put my recorder away, I'm going in next anyway and he happily chats on.  I can see some yellowing in his teeth and I think, "if you wanna be an actor you better get that fixed bub".
So I get ready to go into my audition and before I do, he quickly asks for my email address so he can email me some more acting questions.  I always like to help out a newbie, so I comply.  After my audition, I b-lined it to the washroom to change for my next one and saw him looking at me.  He waved goodbye and I ran outta there!
The next day I get this email from him:

Hi Suzanne - how r u?  Ok, I know.  Any " cool " guy worth his salt would wait the mandatory week, maybe 2 - before getting in touch  ( LOL ).  Guess I am not that cool ( !! )
     Anyhow, I am going to be so bold as to suggest that us two Brits ( and Londoners at that ! ) get together sometime soon . . . today I have off ( Friday ). I work this weekend both Sat and Sun - but am usually off by 8 - 9 p.m. as a P.A. So either of those evenings could work.
And I am off Monday and Tuesday before starting work again on Wed.
      So do let me know when you are " free " over the next few days and I hope we can get together for drink/movie?
Open to suggestions. Why don't you email me some pics in the meantime - I would like that, and I will reciprocate. Promise!
      I already know some important things about you.
First, that you are a very genuine and kind person - could tell by the way you took my hand. And well - not everyday that I get to meet a very pretty black girl like you ( !! ) Don't have too much time for these skinny-ass white girls. I guess we are all wired a little bit differently, aren't we?
By the way - got a very brief ( unfortunately ) peek at you in your blue jeans after you changed. You have a lovely ass, just so you know ( !!! )
Talking way tooooooo  much ( ! )
Be in touch.
Cheers, Graham


Oh, man!  I kept this email in my mailbox for a good laugh.  And its just as potent as the first time I got it!!! Oh he is so Grey Gardens!
"Blue Jeans"?  Hahhaa!  "Skinny ass white girls"  Hahahha!  Check out those weird exclamation marks in brackets!  Hahahaha! Oh yeah, Graham, your the man of my dreams! I loove you. How bout I come home with you since we are wired the same. Bahahaha!  Class Mr. Geriatric, Class!  Geez, you would think that with all the experience he has had living on the earth he would have learned something!  Hahahha!

This is not him, but it kinda looks like him....hehe

Now, go get you some!

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  1. OMG i'm DYING!!!! WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?!?!?!

  2. Hahhaa! True story Frannie, true story!


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